Ode to My Wife's Purse (Silly Poem)

Ode to My Wife’s Purse
You hung upon the rack that day

So shiny and so new

You shone and sparkled brightly

So that folks would look at you.

Then she came by to pick you up

And add you to her life

Armed with just a credit card

You were purchased by my wife.

You knew that she would love you

For better or for worse

She smiled a smile that truly said

“I’m happy you’re my purse.”

She slung you on her shoulder

You dangled by your strap

And when she finally got you home

She filled you with her crap.

Make-up, Tums, and jewelry

Keys and glasses, too

It seemed there was no limit

To what she’d stuff in you.

So on it went, day after day

She drug you to her work

And to the school, and to the store

She yanked on you and jerked.

She swung you at that hobo

And threw you in the car

She kept on stuffing things in you

Oh what a purse you are!

But time went on, and you got dull

She wanted something ‘hipper’

She had to push in “five more pounds”

She finally broke your zipper.

But still she drug you on her trips

Oh God, oh drat, oh curses!

She stood in downtown Washington

And drooled at brand new purses.

You’d been so good, been there so long

This was the final straw

What now she wanted oh so much

Were knock-offs that she saw.

And now she’s finally had enough

She’s got herself some cash

She’s carrying another purse

And you lay in the trash.

But you will get your vengeance

For that shiny purse so new

Will one day take its place right there

In the landfill next to you.

So thank you, purse, for all you’ve done

So faithful and so true

But now you’re old and useless

And she’s grown tired of you.

This was written about my stepmother's purse. It contains a lot of inside references, but the story is pretty funny.

The Reign (Title Pending)

She had the world wrapped around her finger. People would drop whatever they were doing and come running at the slightest sigh of discontent, lest she begin shrieking again for attention. A fleeting glance would reveal folds of excess, wrinkled skin, and a scalp easily visible beneath her few thin wisps of hair; when she opened her toothless maw to call for attention, her slimy pink gums would have repulsed many. However, her loyal servants were blind to these otherwise apparent aesthetic flaws, preferring instead to dote on her, exalting her for (what would be considered by everybody else) the extraordinarily mundane. Why, she could nary lift a hand or even smile without being showered with almost incessant praise.
She was hard to please. When she first began her rule, it was months before her servants were graced with even so much as a smile. They waited and waited, the months seeming like years, for her to pay any kind of positive attention to them. They would do anything to try and please her, bring her food, drink, entertain her by making fools of themselves, distorting their features to make humorous faces. Sometimes this appeased her; she would cease her displeased mumblings and watch, contented. Yet oftentimes, this tomfoolery just irritated her, and caused her to scream at them for not understanding her fickle ways.
And fickle she was, very. Her cravings changed from one moment to the next. She would call for food, often in the middle of the night, yet when food was brought to her, she would refuse it, and whine for something else, a massage, entertainment, or just to be fed more attention; her servants were subjected to this torment night after night, trudging from their beds to the kitchen to see if they could procure some food or maybe another servant with whom to trade shifts. Sometimes, they were so tired, and so desperate for sleep that they were sure she only did this to watch them suffer at her amusement, and after she had decided she was pleased with their toil, she would again fall into a fitful slumber, only to awaken and repeat the process a few hours later.
She seemed to rather enjoy her servants’ pleads for her attention. When they were with her, they would beg her, beseech her, implore her, for just the faintest amount of her interest. Day after day, they would beg her to recognize them, or maybe just even to merely call their name, yet she often seemed to be staring into space through red, swollen eyes much too large for her head. She would sometimes act as though she was playing favorites among her servants, screaming incessantly at one yet laughing along with others, and other times she would ignore them completely, choosing instead to focus her attention on the small trinkets and baubles brought to her for her amusement.
The enigma enshrouding this curious and apparently parasitic relationship between this seemingly unappeasable ruler and her obsequious servants is that no matter how insensitive she was to their feelings, their exhaustion, or their stress, they continued to adore her and run to her whenever she called. But just how long will her rule last? A year, maybe two? Or perhaps until she starts preschool?

Extended Essay Thus Far

Plusieurs d’autres langues ont leurs Académies individuelles qui maintiennent leurs langues respectives, mais quelle influence a-t-elle sur la langue quotidienne ? est probablement l’académie la plus renommée pour sa garde rigoureuse de la langue française. Mais pour quelle raison ? Pourquoi est-ce que cette académie est l’académie qui a une telle réputation ? Et quel est le rôle actuel de l’Académie—quelle influence a-t-elle sur la langue quotidienne ?
Avant qu’on puisse commencer à découvrir les réponses aux questions, il faut qu’on révise l’histoire de l’Académie et ses fondateurs parce qu’elle communiquera les motifs et les raisons pour les actions de l’Académie.
L’Académie n’est pas un nouvel établissement. Elle existe depuis 1635, quand le Cardinal Richelieu l’a fondée, sous le règne de Louis XIII. Avant 1635, elle constituait d’un groupe informel d’écrivains et de philosophes qui se rassemblaient pour discuter de la langue et de ses emplois et qualités, de la même façon que les adolescents d’aujourd’hui parlent des films. Les groupes étaient originalement un passe-temps.
Pourtant, pendant que Louis XIII était le roi, Cardinal Richelieu avait plus du pouvoir. Il s’occupait principalement avec l’idée que la France avait besoin d’unité et il était plus strict avec ses punitions. Il empêchait des activités tel que les duels et les querelles entre les nobles, et le mouvement des protestants, et promouvait l’unité de la France, mais de toutes ces buts, l’unité était la plus importante priorité. Richelieu a décidé que la meilleure méthode de renforcer la culture française serait d’unifier la langue parce que la langue était un point commun entre tous les Français a en commun. Parce que le Cardinal n’aimait pas les groupes qu’il ne pouvait pas contrôler, il a utilisé sa diplomatie et a demandé aux salons de se constituer un groupe officiel qui aiderait à fixer la langue française. On ne connaît pas leur réaction à l’idée, mais une invitation ou une suggestion de Richelieu ne se refusait pas.
Ainsi, « l’Académie française » était créée. Les gens choisis pour constituer l’Académie étaient donnés un siège dans le palais du Louvre, le même endroit où habitait le roi. Quarante gens étaient choisis à joindre le groupe d’élite (tous les quarante étaient mâle ; la première femme n’était admise qu’en 1980), et ils s’appelaient « Les Immortels » parce qu’ils voulaient que leur travail et leur d’unification de la langue durent. Depuis sa création, l’Académie a beaucoup changé. Le Roi Louis XIII et le Cardinal Richelieu ont donné à l’Académie son rôle: l’Académie est « chargée de conserver la pureté de la langue française et qui maintient son dictionnaire officiel. » De nos jours, elle continue d’être comprise de quarante membres appelés « Les Immortels » ou « Les Quarante » Les Académiciens siègent régulièrement à Paris (mais pas au Louvre car c’est maintenant un musée national) à son propre bâtiment, l’Institut de l’Académie française, où les Immortels font leur travail, et leur rôle a changé pour accommoder les avances de la société.
Donc, l’Académie était fondée avec un rôle et une tâche précis, mais parce qu’il s’agit ici de l’influence de l’Académie sur la langue contemporaine, il est essentiel qu’on compare les rôles anciens et actuels.
Le rôle déclaré par l’Académie lui-même est :

« Le rôle de l’Académie française est double : veiller sur la langue française et accomplir des actes de mécénat. »
Avant, l'Académie a travaillé à fixer la langue, et pour faire un 'patrimoine commun' à tous les Français et pour tout le monde qui pratiquent la langue. Aujourd’hui, elle y concern son attention sur maintenant les qualités et les évolutions nécessaires de la langue, et elle définit « le bon usage.» Elle le fait en elaborant son dictionnaire, qui fixe l’usage de la langue, et aussi par ses recommandations et par sa participation aux différentes commisions de terminologie.

That's all I'll post for now :]

About Me

Hi, My name is Danielle and I'm currently a senior in high school. My hobbies include reading, writing, trivia, word games (such as Scrabble or Boggle), swing dancing, playing musical instruments, writing music, puzzle games (such as Professor Layton), French language (Je l'aime :]), and school. I'm the captain of the drumline at our school (which isn't really all that big of a deal, the drumline is only like nine people), and I'm involved in the International Baccalaureate program. My Extended Essay is in French, and it's about l’Académie française et quelle influence elle a sur la langue quotidienne (What is it's true influence on the French language?) I'll post part of it later.

I'll start posting some of my work. :]